tommygrimm

tomorrow is one of those days i hate every month
i'm scarred, i'm worried, i'm afraid every one of these days
but then there's God
i think this is an entry made to remind me of God's Glory
but whatever it is, i pray this helps

i hate this time of the month
and i hate this time of the year
i love spring
i love the showers
the gentle cold
the feeling my cold, wet toes get when
i'm warming them up under a nice blanket

i hate this time of year because for most of my life to date,
this time of year always ends up to suck,
from march to may
with may being the worst month of the whole year

i hope this may, this april, and the rest of this march doesn't suck like that
i hope it doesn't suck worse than previous years

sometimes though
i can find good in this time
thanks to God
i find friendship and smiles
i find warm times
and unforgettable moments
i feel unity and brotherhood
new friendships
and stronger old ones
so many good things
so many good times

do i hate this time of year
or do i hate what the past has brought
be it the time's fault
or be it the fault of other factors

i can't see what will happen to me
i can only see what my heart desires
i can only see how far God lets me
or is it how far i let myself see?

today in church we learned of two follows of Christ,
who on the day Christ arose from the grave,
they were returning home
and Christ walked right beside them, talking with them on their path
and not once did they see it was Him
and why?
probably because they didn't let themselves see
they didn't believe He had returned when others testified to His resurrection
they didn't allow themselves to understand, they didn't let their eyes truly see Him
they were the ones at fault

so maybe i can only see as far as i can right now
because i have only allowed myself to see that far
maybe i can't see God so easily because i'm not truly focusing on Him
maybe i'm dwelling too far into myself and the things of this world
and not letting my eyes gaze upon the cross,
upon the Savior
upon what really matters

my eyes wonder to other things
and my hands fill their time up with worldly items
and not the grace that is God
my eyes move, my heart jumps, my hands wonder
and yet focus is never on God for long

i'm being honest right now
the tears are starting to fill my eyes
i'm scared, yes i am
i'm scared of the unknown
of what is to come
because i don't know
i honestly don't know what they will throw at me next
i try not to fear
oh Lord how can i not fear?
i don't fear the man
i fear what he can do
there are evil men, evil godless men
who some will claim to be of Him,
and others won't even care enough to say that,
and some will openly deny Him in and out of church,
there are men, evil men
who have cast in me vision of evil
who call me the wrong and the one who should be punished
there are evil men
who don't care for what i have to say
then there are some who will just use my words against me
they already have and will continue to do so

there are also ignorant men
ones who choose not to think
who prefer to do what they believe is the right thing for them
there are men who couldn't care less
some who might
but may never think ahead of time

there are some
some very evil men
who don't care about lives
who just want their cut
there are some people i refuse to call men
because to call them men
would be to call them human
and i'm not sure i could call them that

there are people who don't care about what happens to others
there are some who see me as the bad guy
there are some who only define life as the color gray
there are many who will never ever see

and where am i?
where am i in this Lord?
please let me not be in the shadow
but in the light!
please let me be not in the gray and the confusion,
but in the mercy and the healing that is your light!
may Your path be clear, clearer than daylight's gaze
may i be running into Your light and into Your arms!

oh Lord i can't stand this
i can't stand not knowing
but is it better that i don't or that i do?

the moon looks full tonight
its been huge the past few nights
and all i can do
is gaze upon it
and remember the great times past
the eyes of God are upon me
and may Your arms be holding me
and not just me
but my whole family
and all others involved in this

oh Lord, save us please
oh Lord, please wipe the tears from our eyes
and comfort us in Your ever loving arms

so much i wish to say out loud
so much i never can
not through here
not anywhere
these silent prayers i must keep to You and nothing else
You alone know the words on my heart
You alone know the secrets of my weary heart
You alone can give me Hope
You alone are the reason for my Faith
You alone are the key to my Love
keep us all alive and living
please keep us all alive and living
please breathe life into those who are dead
those black hearts who can't see You and what You do
please Lord
breathe into us all
make us all come ALIVE

this could be my last journal entry to be honest
please pray its not
that its not even close to my last one

i have no idea how this could turn out
i just keep fearing things
i keep wondering things
i can't close my blinds, fearing to never see the moon again
irrational this can sound even to me
yes i am afraid
but what am i afraid?

last month, last day of it,
i walked in there unafraid
i walked out nearly in tears for the first time
i started shaking
i started crying that day i think
feeling my life would be over soon
no, i know thats not true now
i know my life will never end over their decisions
my life isn't going to end unless i die
and even then my spirit can never die
for my heart is in the LORD
and my soul will never die.

i'm not dying just yet
the only one who will show me the way Home
will be God on my last day
the day He choose for me to die on
but that day is nowhere close
and my life will go on as long as He allows it to

things may be taken away from me
people may walk away from me
they may make my life as hard as they possibly can
but damn it they will NEVER take away my heart
they will NEVER take away the last inch i can hold onto
they will NEVER take away my God
they will NEVER take away my soul
they will NEVER take away who and what i am inside

God is stronger
this i should know by now
God is stronger
Jesus overcame DEATH
let's repeat that at least for me
JESUS OVERCAME, FREAKING DEFEATED, DEATH ITSELF
that Lion is within my heart!
YAHWEH IS A WARRIOR!
JESUS IS A GENERAL!
and i am a warrior
i am a soldier
i am a lion
i am protector
i am a guardian
i am a disciple
i am a fighter
i am a child of God

THIS IS NOT THE END
NOT EVEN CLOSE

God is stronger!
Jesus is undefeatable!
because they are, i am unbeatable!
nothing can crush my spirit
nothing can send me to my grave other than God
nothing and noone can make me give up or give in
no matter the cost
no matter the outcome
no matter what
i will stand, unbreakable
unchangeable
undeniable
unfazeable
indestructible
nothing and noone can stop me now
my heart is stronger
my soul is stronger
my spirit is stronger
this body will not give out
this my mind not flinch
this heart will not die
this soul will not break
this spirit can never ever be broken
i will stand
unbreakable



God bless
Happy Easter
God bless Jesus' Resurrection


Enjoy the Savior's Strength! ^_^

i don't know why,
but i feel like i have to write this



no matter what darkness we go through
there will always be a light somewhere in it
God will always be there hold our hands
trough the best, the worst, and all the weirdness in between

when you're down and broken and dying,
turn your gaze to Heaven

i got this in a text earlier:
"Do no be troubled. I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, Son of man will also acknowledge him before the angles of God."

and i got this the other day:
"Praise be to God & Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, our Father of compassion who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in trouble."


you're NEVER alone
there's always someone there to help you
whether you see them at first or not
someone loves you
someone always will
this i promise

someone wants to help you
someone wants to stand by you
you're not alone in this life
you were always cared for
you were always watched over
someone loves you even when you don't think so
Jesus will be there even when noone else is

remember this to all who are suffering
God is on your side, and He'll never leave you for a second
once you are His, you are His FOREVER
no matter the darkness, no matter the costs
no matter the hell, no matter what
Love Will Prevail



"God is Love, and Love is Real!"
~ Mewithoutyou, "The Soviet"



God bless
Enjoy True Love! ^_^

so i remember wanting to update my journal
again yesterday,
but i can't remember what i was going to say
dang


i'm pretty mellow right now
i'm worried about later in the month
getting closer to the now


now sure at all what i want to do
not sure about a lot of things right now
i am of a few though
and those are what i'll hold onto forever






life is so weird
its complicated, at the same time its simple
you can see God's movement in it if you just try looking
you can see His love, His care, His humor, His mystery


i'm not even sure what to say now
i'm home, and i'm not lost,
there are things that i wish were very different
and i'm fighting to make those so


sometimes, the things you love and want the most
you'll have to fight for


Lord i may wonder, but i'll never stray
never again will i leave you side
but You know where i'm going better than i do
and You'll know exactly what to do


oh Lord, i'm not at a dead-end road
i'm not a drifter anymore
i don't know if i'm walking, running, or flying now
but i know whatever i'm doing,
i'm heading to where i need and want to be
i'm making my new home, something of my own
i'm heading straight into You
i'm going to where i wanna be


may nothing stand in my way, though i know it will
but whatever tries to stop me,
may it know whats coming,
may it know to be afraid
and may i know what to do to get past them
may i fly right through them


Lord its pouring outside
and its cold in this room
but its warm in my heart
and its flooding in my soul


i'm awake and breathing
i'm conscious and feeling
my heart is burning bright
my soul is filling up


lightening may crash
but i won't shudder
rain may hit my face
but i'll be smiling


i'm not afraid anymore of anything
except for You my Lord
i've got nothing that can stop me anymore
my arms are open wide
my face is smiling brightly
the tears are pouring from my eyes
and nothing can stop me anymore
nothing can stop me anymore

really good weekend
following up seeing Syd again
i didn't do much else saturday except
talk with one of those friends i spoke of last journal
and got my part of my opinions out to her
and i think she understand now i don't trust her part of the time
however
we did end up agreeing on a few issues
some that just suck and we've dealt with way too long
for instance we've been dealing with someone who
just DOESN'T want to be happy, she just won't let anyone cheer her up
she just doesn't want to be happy and just counters all the help she gets,
so i'm not going to help her.
she really doesn't want it, most of her problems are her own making
and of her own imagination, no really, they don't actually exist
she just wants attention
and no more from anyone


so at least we agreed there


sunday was GOOD!
saw two more old friends i haven't seen in FOREVER!
got to find out how one of them was doing
and i'm happy she's doing alright
i know she won't read this, cause she doesn't have internet where she is
but Danielle Turner
we're all praying for you buddie, and remember
we're always on your side, here to help you kid
we did come all that way to see you and give you and your boyfriend food and gas
so we're definitely here for ya kid, God bless you both
you know my number buddie, call when you need me if you ever read this
well you know to call me anyway when you need me
take care, happy to see you happy again ^_^
God bless you both




and last night, once again
i spent too many hours hanging out in 7-11 with another friend lol
but at least i got free doughnuts
they were just going to get thrown away
why let good food go to waste?!




ok well that is my update so far
don't know much else to say other than
i'm taking this week easy and going to the doctor today
besides that
*shrugs*
we'll just let it work out how it wants to
^_^




God bless you all!
laterz!





Enjoy seeing old friends again! ^_^

so this has been a heck of a week
rounded off with one weird drive


I AM OFFICIALLY A COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i have an Associate's Degree in Graphic Design from Westwood College
i don't have the diploma on me, the school will give it to me August 2nd at graduation
yeah my graduation is EXACTLY two years after i started there
its pretty sweet


right now i'm feeling great about it


this has been a good week
a good day
a good yesterday


I SAW SYDNEE TODAY FOR AN HOUR OR TWO


her boyfriend and her came down here to support a friend in a Super Smash Bros. Brawl tournament
he lost the first round cause he got totally screwed
but hey at least i got to hang out with Syd!


caught up a bit
and what not


yea man good day!



got MAJORLY lost afterwards
probably for 2 hours
but oh well
this was fun!
ADVENTURE TIME!



there is this awesome concert going on tonight
like right now i hear
and i could totally go, and i kinda want to
but you know what
i don't think i want to return to the sight of everyone yet
i disappeared a year ago
and i don't think i'm ready to resurface

plus, i don't want to deal with two people anymore


ok here is another story,
something i realized last night

i have these two friends i'm constantly getting angry at


one of the most terrifying things to see is me pissed off
i'm not kidding or exaggerating in the least


and they are getting close



i realized this late last night about them
neither one of them truly respects the value of friendship
they are constantly making each other mad
both of them lie a LOT
the girl lies more than the guy, like you have absolutely no idea
and both of them deny it
how about the truth
no matter what it is
just tell the truth

neither of them understand the other
whatsoever
they don't understand how to treat friends

BOTH OF THEM GOT MAD AT ME THIS WEEK OVER THE SAME THING
what was it?
they thought i was using them for one thing
when in REALITY, here that REALITY,
i just wanted to either talk with them and make plans work out and shorten up journeys
i hung out with both of them last night
i BEARLY talked with the girl, and i didn't even say a word to the guy
honestly, i'm mad at both of them
like they're going to care

here's exactly what they will do, both of them
and if they don't, i'll be surprised like you can't believe

they will deny it, they will push it away
and they will try to turn the tables back onto me
they will be mad at me,
what will i do in return?
i'll stand my ground
know why?
cause i won't back down when i know i'm right
i won't back down when someone else is doing wrong
and they are doing themselves, each other, and everyone else wrong,
and they both know it
but refuse to accept it because they've done it soooo long
and no one is willing to fight them and make them change

until now

now when they realize they are wrong,
and they will both do this,
they'll start talking with me later like absolutely nothing happened
like they aren't mad at me
like i'm not mad at them

but you know what
i am mad at them, i won't back down,
i won't stop now,
for the interest of peace maybe let bygones be bygones?
HELL NO!
NOT THIS TIME!

i want them to actually change,
stop lying,
stop deceiving,
stop being jerks,
stop being idiots,
stop doing the stupid things they do for themselves that hurt friendships

what is the one last thing that gets to me the most?

they have problems
and they tell me
and i try to help by giving them advice,
the guy still seeks me for help, but he doesn't listen, he doesn't try to do what i suggest,
and the girl just stopped because she didn't want my help,
she knows when i tell her something, i am right, but she wants to do things her way,
she wants to continue to do the worst things for her and everyone else
why?  cause she prefers to do that than give up what will hurt her completely

when i give advice, just try it, when it fails, then tell me i was wrong
don't just ignore my atempts to help you,
then tell me nothing is going right, that you don't know what to do
I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO!!!
now when what i told you fails, then tell me that,
don't tell me the same old bullcrap you just can't deal with and you don't know what to do about
cause now
all i see is you trying to get attention,
and thats all i'll treat it like now

you've both lost my respect
and i don't trust either of you
because the way i see it is you don't trust me enough to listen to me
you don't trust me enough to try out my help
you two don't trust me, or each other, or anyone i guess
you both just want attention

neither of you really want the pain to stop
so let it be
go hurt yourselves and each other
but i won't be apart of it till you pull your heads out of your butts
and realize this whole time i was right

don't tell me you haven't lied to me
i have caught both of you in SEVERAL lies
and i just ignored saying anything
but not anymore

i'll tell you when you are wrong
i'll tell you when you've screwed up and don't want to accept it
i'll try to help you when you're in pain
i'll be here to help you
but only when you pull your head out of your butt
and realize the things you've done were wrong
and that you may not like what i have to say
that you may be afraid of what i have to say
that what i might say may make you cry your eyes out for hours
but what i have to say will help you more than you know

sometimes the tears are necessary
like when i cried all last summer and fall

those tears i cried healed me
and God spoke to my heart when i cried
He healed me and let me know all will be ok
He told me what to do
He held my hand in the darkness then like He is doing right now
and i'm not afraid anymore because of Him and His Love
but first i had to cry


friendship means knowing someone at their best and their worst,
knowing all their faults and failures,
and loving them still the same,
standing by them in the dark and the light
and holding their hand when they don't know where to go
or what to do
friendship is love
its stronger than almost anything else
and friendship only ends when you can't love back
i will love you and be your friend,
but you don't trust me, you don't really love me or yourselves
and i can't do anything for you until you learn to trust me
until then
i pray you come back into the light,
i'll be standing right there waiting for your return



well i've got out a lot today
and i hope that all will be going great for you this weekend and new week

God bless you all and take care!



Enjoy Triumph! ^_^